Rebuilding Your Life after a Midlife Divorce

March 20, 2024
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When divorce happens, it is often confusing, overwhelming, and frightening.  The legal process can be arduous and the financial implications of ending a marriage may be complex.  Many people who divorce after a long-term marriage wonder what is next for them and what life will look like in the future.

While divorce means the end of a marriage, it is also an opportunity to restart and recharge your life – maybe in ways you’ve always dreamed of or never imagined.  For many, a divorce is the catalyst to live a fuller and more intentional life.  If you are experiencing a midlife divorce, here are some tools to give you a jumpstart as you embark on your new journey.

Grief is a natural part of any loss.  With a divorce, you are likely experiencing both the loss of a marriage and of your expectations of what you thought life was going to look like.  Allow yourself space to grieve and begin to heal. 

Be gentle with yourself during this time and avoid negative self-talk.  Get lots of sleep and eat healthy meals.  Make sure to exercise and practice meditation and deep breathing if you don’t already.  Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.   

Going through a divorce can make you feel isolated and alone, especially if most of your relationships were cultivated during your marriage.  To combat loneliness, reach out to friends and family who will offer encouragement and support.  It is also important to make new friends and expand your social circle.

While meeting new people may seem daunting, it is easier than ever to connect with others thanks to meet ups and other community events.  Volunteer work through religious or charitable institutions also offers the opportunity to get to know more people with common interests and beliefs.

Life tends to evolve into an expected set of patterns, habits, and rituals.  When divorce happens, we may feel as though a hole has been created in our lives and we aren’t sure what to fill it with.  If we aren’t careful, we may begin to feel stuck, stagnant, or even bored. 

To avoid getting stuck in a rut, try changing things up.  Start with something small like altering your regular driving route or walking path.  Once you’re feeling a little bit braver, wear a color you’ve never worn before or even try out a new hairstyle.  (Trust us, it does grow back.) When you’re ready, tackle a new challenge.  Maybe it’s travelling by yourself or starting that side hustle you’ve been thinking about.  An adventurous life is a vibrant life!

After a divorce, it is not uncommon to become introspective and self-reflective.  Figuring out who you are, apart from your marriage, is both challenging and rewarding.  It also provides an opportunity to discover new things about yourself, or to rediscover old interests you may have set aside.  

Start by thinking about old hobbies and activities you used to enjoy.  Then create a list of things you’ve never done but would like to try.  Maybe it is time to start painting, doing yoga, or studying French again.  Maybe you’d like to try painting, yoga, or learning French for the first time.  After a divorce is a great time to meet yourself again or, possibly, be introduced to a side of yourself you’ve always wanted to meet.

Working with a Certified Divorce Coach® can offer support as you navigate the emotional, financial, social, and legal challenges that accompany a divorce.  Your divorce coach will also serve as your “thinking partner” as you move through the process itself and into your new future.

A divorce coach is trained to listen to you, ask thought-provoking questions, and help you to identify and achieve new goals.  Whether you are feeling alone, confused, or overwhelmed (or, likely, all of the above), a divorce coach can help you to gain clarity and confidence, thereby empowering you to build an abundant and meaningful life.

At WO40 Coaching, we work with individuals who are facing the same issues and concerns you are experiencing right now.  Led by Lisa Zonder, Certified Divorce Coach® and family law attorney, WO40 offers divorce coaching during all phases of the divorce process.  For more information or to book a consultation, please call 805-342-0882 or visit us at


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